Monday, September 26, 2005

For My Inner Child

Take hold of my hand, little girl
And take a walk with me
My heart will always be true to you
In spite of all you've done
And all you've seen
No need to hover in the corner
Fear no longer exists
Take my hand little child
And learn what love is
Smile and be free
I will always be there for you and me
Dance a while to the sound of your heart beat
To the music of freedom and peace
Take my hand, beautiful girl
For it is yours to keep
I will fight hard to keep you safe
Erasing the scars left on your memory
Broken promises, you will no longer cry
Pain will no longer be your guide
Burry your sorrows and tears
Craddle in my arms, little child
For with me, you will always smile
And when we fall
We will catch each other
I will be waiting for you as you wait for me
Take my hand little one
And know, we are beautiful
We are still very much alive.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005


I cannot stay hypnotized, within your grip
Your religion, immobilized, I can no longer worship
The heart I gave, a sacrificial lamb it became
For your morbid viewing pleasure
You drained me of my lifeline
Before you I will no longer stand
Within your gaze, I can no longer stay
Your cloak of darkness, engulfing your rage
Within the walls of this Babylon, I refuse to remain
Down your darkened hallways, you’ve taken me
I can no longer Be, it is suffocating
In this space, it is far too hard to breathe
I have lost all faith, in you I no longer believe
Even with my unconditional love, I cannot save
Within the walls of your religion
A slave I refuse to be
Solace will be found outside your sanctuary
The monkey on my back, you will no longer be
I can no longer stay within and outside these walls
An emotional vampire you have been
My smile and inner fire are nowhere to be seen
And like a thief in the night I will flee
Towards self-love, towards serenity
Worshiping your religion, I set myself free.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005


Is it possible for some one
To come and rescue me
From this disaster life seems to be
Is it even remotely feasible
To feel the love that once resided
How did I get so lost along the way
Seemingly so strong
Crumbled at your feet
No stone left unturned
Desolation, eaten alive
The burden I carry
Weighing me down
Is far too heavy to carry on my own
Where did my light go, the Sag’s flame
Burnt out long ago, when you called my name
Now I am left here standing, covered in shame
The darkness swallowed me whole
Drowning in the darkness of your despair
Pushing and pulling
I managed to break from from your current
Only to be swept away by life’s turbulence
When I look in the mirror all I see
Is my father’s reflection looking back at me
How can this be
How did I vear so far off
Nothing but poor decisions
Living a year of confusion
When do I get back my smile
When do I ever return to being
The woman that once was happy and free
Will I ever know what that truly means
To be wanted & accepted for the woman I am and can be
Will I ever learn to be these things… for me
Where did I go…
This simply cannot not possibly be
What fate had in store for me.

Thursday, September 15, 2005


How do I break free
From the lies that spewed from your mouth
For all I ever wanted to be
Was your daughter
Each year and each day of each month
For all I wanted was a father
Supported in love and understanding
Someone who is never bending
Instead I got to taste my own blood
At the fist of the woman you called wife
Forever testing my faith in God
For you were entrusted as the protector of my life
Intead I got vile looks and cruel words
Your anger, self hatred and manipulations
Stealing my youth and faith in men
You did things no father should ever do
Blamed a child instead of looking at you
Hurting a boy for your own sexual exploration
Insulting your daughters with labels and lies
Forever imprinted, impacting all our lives
How do I know who real men are?
For all I hear are your lies, bearing your scars
I don't ever want a man like you
I have lived for too long in pain, just as you do
I want to break free from this vicious grip
I refuse to be the image of you
I want to know true love without the lies
To be trusted, seen and cared for unconditionally
No more games, I reclaim my life.
You are not sorry, for you deny
All that was done, ruining our lives
You cannot stand to see your own reflection
I have lived for too long
In the shadows of your deception
Cowards, liars and theives
Wasting my time, robbed me of security
I do not like the reflection I see
For its mirror shows the imprint of you
All your issues and insecurities
Destroying all the goodness found in youth
How do I change this toxicity?
This programming, all your negativity?
How do I change and close my heart?
How do I find my way, alone in the dark?
You were suppose to be my dad
The protector, defender and provider of your seed
To show me all these things
Instead I am left here alone
Holding my inner child's hand
Angry, frightened, fearful and sad
For the wounds you created, still bleed
For I lost a mother but my father
Still you couldn't never be

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Goodbye Justin... Goodbye Dreams

Visions of me created in your mind
Only leaves the potential for greatness behind
You say you saw me through smoken’d mirrors
Made me a believer, I had no fears
But you only saw your own visions of me
Of what you wanted Her to be
Not once hearing or looking at the real ME
Shattering all hope thru your expectations
Pressures to find the one great love of your life
I have been down that road before
It cut me wide open with a jagged knife
But today I am nobody’s fool
So take your life, live and learn
For your Eve, you will find as you yearn
Finally see the beauty she is as she stands
Perhaps alone, in her Garden of Eden
But my heart closed it’ll be
Walls standing tall
A mighty fortress once again cold and empty
The end of a dream, the end to it all
I will not wear that mask
You need from the image of Her to feel
For it is not me, it is far from real
I cannot compete with a vision of Me
For in that mirage, I will never be real,
I could never simply BE
All that you’d hoped for and dreamed
Open your eyes to the real world
For in love and life
There is so much to be shared
Wash away the dreams you’ve made of me
And maybe only then you will find your Eve
And live in love forever and a day

Friday, September 09, 2005

Poems ... about Me...

I have been here a short while
Met alot of people that make me smile.
Made some friends that are dear.
Even stoped in peterborough for a beer.

My first week sure was great.
I quickly had a date.
So many girls so little time.
I thought talking to to many was a crime.

I stopped and thought, there was no way.
A girl could get to know me while dealing with such an array.
So i took my time and paid attention.
But, really was not too many to mention.

The threads is where I noticed her.
Did not take me long to be sure.
That this girl was one of a kind.
She was just blowing my mind.

I kinda followed her posts.
Not shying away from replying to most.
We kind of seen eye to eye.
But, I think she was seeing some guy.

When her crush list came to me.
I was so amazed to see.
That this girl was crushing me as well.
I quickly responded back answering the bell.

This girl gave me such a glow.
I tried to look for some faults you know.
But all I seen was beauty in every way.
Now, soon is our big day.

I see her so strong
I am definitely not wrong
Before i take my first breath in the morning she is in my head.
And the last thought before I go to bed.

I presented this poem to all of you.
Everything I said is so true.
I really hope she works for me.
I sure you all know her as K.C

~by my sweety.. Justin.. posted in the forums of POF...


Justin that was beautiful
I hope all works out and your life feels full
K.C has a heart of gold and I'll tell it like this so...

Listen up close, this is a true story
Of the first person who ever defended me

I made a post, it was hated by most
did I really care? ummmm, nope!

But people got mad at the example I made
Then out of nowhere K.C came to my aid!

I reffered to some women as being bi-polar
Everyone freaked that I was way out of order

So there you have it, a real true story
to put a smile on both your faces to bring out the glory
of two people getting hooked up from the pof sorority
Or maybe a fraternity, well which ever it may be
Be true to each other and may you last an eternity!

I know it was short and NO you can't retort
I wish both of you the best of luck,
I'm done Kobie just shut the hell up!!!!!!!

~From my friend Kobie, so moved by Justin's poem to me!!!

Wednesday, September 07, 2005


You came into my life
Your kind words
Of wisdom
Is the sweetest melody
Within your grasp
I can safely Be
Within your gaze
I long to Be
Within your touch
I simply need to Be
You have seen my pain
You understand my past
While, gently,
You hold my heart
You do not feed
My fears
You make love
To my mind
I feel safe in
Your heart
I feel desired in
Your mind
I am beautiful in
Your eyes
I am simply wonderful
Within your soul
Can you possibly be
What I feel as truth?
Can you possibly be
The right One for me?
The gods have finally
Blessed me today
For they have shown me…
~ Dedicated to "Justin"... a wonderful man... a kindred spirit... my safe haven... a beautiful place to fall... May this be... all that we hope for... ~

Monday, September 05, 2005


Let go of my hand
Standing on the edge
With no where to go
Hiding behind the walls
In my mind
Crippled without
Fear is my crutch
Hey .. you holy men
Can you save me
With your words
And the blood of martyrs?
Disturbing thoughts
Held together without hope
The words of redemption
Preached by greed
Let go of my hand
I cannot lead
When blind
Where is your saviour?
Standing on the edge
Of insanity
Held together
By serenity

Sunday, September 04, 2005

White Lies

Visions of the future
In front of me
Knowledge of the past
Behind me
What was taught as truth
By holy men of faith,
Greed and manipulation
Imprisons my soul
Robbed me of freedom
I don't want to know
For there is no love
Found in those white lies
So what do I know
That once was
Turned my legs to stone
For there is no freedom
Found in these white lies
I don't want to know
For I walk alone
Held down by false belief
Offers nothing but visions
Visions of a future
Out of reach
Not within graspe
I don't want to know
Leave me be

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Dear Mom

The day you died
I remember so vividly
A child robbed of
Love, protection and peace
No one to help me as I
Silently screamed of pain
No one to hold my hand
To tell me I would be OK
In violence, starved of
Your touch
I prayed to the gods above
To just once see your face
"Come take me away,
Let me be with you.
I am not wanted here
I am not loved by them.
I miss you mommy,
Please come save me."
I still cry those tears
I still know that pain
You never came
But I knew you were
Near on wings of butterflies
I don't remember your touch
But I know the touch of fists
I beg for the pain to stop
"Please come save me.
Please come take me away.
I want to live, have no fear.
I want to feel, not tears.
I want to see, and know you
For only then, I might know me.